It Is Well

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

DEVOTION

Motherhood.

Chances are that word elicits a strong memory or emotional response in you. While many of us were raised by loving mothers or strive to be them ourselves, not everyone knows that joy. Some are missing their mothers today, or are mourning their chance to be one. Let me start by saying that there is space for you today, no matter where you fall on the issue of motherhood. God sees you, loves you, and is in the business of restoration.

Three years ago, if you’d asked me how I felt about motherhood, I would have settled somewhere near “ill-equipped.” I had one amazing son, but when I looked around the table, I was vividly reminded that “one of these things is not like the others.” I didn’t find much joy in the midnight feedings or endless diapers of the first year. (I really love my sleep.) I was thrilled to go back to work when my son was six weeks old. I did not cry when I left him for his first overnight with May May and Poppy. I didn’t send five-course, organic toddler meals to Mother’s Day Out (MDO), and I definitely didn’t want any more kids. I told everyone who would listen that I was a “one and done” kind of mom. God just did not create me to be a mother.

Fast forward to today, and what best describes my current reality is: a three-ring circus … with cats. I have four—yes, you read that correctly, FOUR—wonderful children. Two years ago, we said yes to a foster placement of two siblings. They were four years old and seventeen months. Ten months ago, they had a sister, and we welcomed her into the fold, too. There is a possibility of another sibling arriving this month, and we just might be crazy enough to say yes again. God is able to give you what you need to be obedient to his calling; even make you LOVE being a mom to four kids, when you really weren’t sure you could handle one (Ephesians 2:10).

Our family has been commanded to plant seeds. My job has been to show and teach each child about the love of Jesus so when they experience it later in life, at a moment of decision, they will recognize it without any doubt (Galatians 6:8-10).

After being asked if we’d be willing to adopt (YES!), we learned that the kids will be moving out of state (to be with biological family) later this month. We are, understandably, heartbroken. These kids feel like our very own and to let them go to someone they barely know seems cruel; to have them transition AGAIN, to have a mother leave them AGAIN ... it all just seems really unfair to little hearts who have already endured so much.

I stood at the back of the Venue last Sunday and rocked the youngest to sleep while singing the worship song, “It Is Well.” I wept and was almost brought to my knees. Did you know the writer of “It Is Well,” Horatio Spafford, wrote the beloved hymn after losing his son, his financial stature, and then losing all four of his daughters in a shipwreck? He was on his way to meet his wife when he penned the words.

Once you know that reality, the song hits differently. Oh, what faith! How can a man who has lost all of his children and his livelihood write—let alone sing—“It is well”? I could barely choke it out last week, and it reminds me just how small my faith can be, but just how big our God is.

When God called us to foster care, he knew what today looked like. He knew we would be here. He knew we’d be broken. He knows what every step of this journey holds, and he is with us. He loves those sweet children far more than we do, and we trust him with their lives (and ours!).

By all earthly accounts, I do not understand, and I cannot explain to you how it will be okay. It does not feel okay. It actually feels pretty close to soul-shattering, but my heart and mind know God works all things out for good, and I trust him (Romans 8:28).

Like Job, I have questioned God, but I also have never stopped seeking him. He’s big enough for our questions, our hurts, and our deepest desires. I know peace is found in his presence, not in my understanding. I know he is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

He has carried us through the hardest, most aggravating days of this journey, and he has made us better. My spiritual walk and relationship with him would look drastically different if not for this path.

I can’t imagine it any other way. I’d love to tell you that we helped these children immensely, but I feel like they have given more to us than we could have ever given to them.

Did we ask for the Lord to break our hearts? No.

Did we ask for the emotional rollercoaster that we have endured over the last two years? No. We were simply obedient to what the Lord asked of us.

Has it been the hardest thing we have ever done? Absolutely.

Would I do it again and again? Every time.

I like to think that I am just well on my way to lacking nothing (James 1:2-4).

PRAYER

Lord,

Thank you for the promises you have given us in your Word. Thank you for countering our feelings with your truth. Thank you for the peace you give to us even during the fiercest of storms. May we continue to seek your will and your peace in all circumstances, even when we don't understand. Thank you for the breath you have blessed us with today. Let us use it for your glory.

Amen.

Ashley Fuhr

Administrative Assistant to Adult Education

afuhr@crossings.church

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